BUT THE INTENDED ONES FOR INDIANS ARE ALMOST ALWAYS CHOSEN BY THEIR PARENTS
The cool season in Delhi does not last long. In spring, the smog from home stoves and heaters dissipates, the shadows become shorter, and women stop wearing cashmere shawls over their blouses. It is time for love, preferably love after entering into a legal marriage.
White horses with riders on gilded saddles, elephants whose tusks are painted pink, walk slowly and solidly along the roads crowded with cars. The facades of the houses are decorated like fairy-tale palaces. The restaurants are full of young people who, by prior arrangement, meet shy girls accompanied by older sisters or toothless grandmothers. In stores, women buy gold jewelry and silver toe rings.
A WOMAN'S LOYAL FRIEND
Gold is the best friend and social security of an Indian woman in case she is divorced or simply abandoned.
It was at this time that my friends invited me to Arun and Padma's wedding. When we finally reached the pavilion, or rather entertainment complex, where the betrothal was to take place at seven o'clock in the evening, several hundred guests and relatives from the bride and groom's side had already gathered there.
The older ladies, mostly with rouged cheeks and mascara-lined eyebrows, and the younger women, slender and graceful, in tight-fitting saris or long European dresses, seem to have dispensed with makeup. Men - mostly in suits and ties. It was immediately obvious that they were not poor people, but representatives of the middle or, as they say here, the upper stratum of the middle class.
The pavilion's roof sparkled with colorful lights, and bands in white suits and epaulettes played hits from old Hollywood movies at the entrance. Everyone was waiting for the groom.
And now, finally, he appeared. He sat awkwardly in the saddle, dressed in a snow-white silk tunic, with a shiny metal crown on his head and a garland of flowers around his neck. A worker directs a neon lantern at the main culprit of the celebration, photographers click the camera shutters. Arun gets down from his horse with the help of a relative, beads of sweat rolling down his face.
The groom's family forms a circle and starts dancing, holding out their hands to Arun and shouting: "Stay with us, don't come in!" The bride's family, on the contrary, pulls him into the pavilion, singing: "Go, go, it's time to get married!" The rhythm of the music becomes fast. It looks like it's going to end in a fight. In fact, this is a theatrical performance that has become a ritual. Indians, born actors, know their roles very well.
ROCK ' N ' ROLL PRAYER
Eventually, the young man enters the hall with his family and friends. The horse is taken away for the next performance. Arun is noisily blessed, women smear sandalwood oil on his forehead, throw rice on his head and sing. After overcoming all the obstacles, he climbs to the round stage, which serves as a wedding platform that evening, and sits on the "throne". To the right, brothers, cousins, and close friends are sitting on a carpet with pillows. The figure of a short, thin young man appears on the podium, with a small red dot painted on his forehead. This is a priest from the highest caste of brahmins. A wide gilded dish is placed in front of it. One of the men lights a candle on a platter, the women pour pinches of rice and spices. A six-year-old boy and an adult relative sit down next to him.
The brahmana begins to recite prayers. The boy does not leave the priest's side for a moment, and male relatives take turns from time to time and join young women dancing rock ' n ' roll to the sound recording.
Music fills the pavilion, and the priest's incantations are heard only by those who are nearby on the stage. But that doesn't bother anyone. Hundreds of guests move to the next hall, where cooks work at braziers and vats. You have to wait in line for about five minutes to get a hot chapati (flatbread), a plate of curry or other generously seasoned dish. When you have satisfied your hunger, you are offered tea or coffee. But not an ounce of alcohol. Indians do not need to take on their breasts to have fun at a wedding.
TREACHEROUS MOTHER-IN-LAW
What about Padma? After all, she's getting married. And the main part of the expenses for a chic party, as usual, is borne by the bride's father or her family. However, Padma is still kept in a separate room and is not shown to either the groom or the guests. Even before their arrival, friends and relatives worked on her appearance. Eyebrows, eyelashes, glitter on the eyelids... The old woman applied an elaborate henna pattern to her hands and put on silver bracelets.
Then the women began to sing wedding songs, some with subtle hints of sex, others quite innocent. In one song, it was said that the mother-in-law disliked the daughter-in-law and always went to bed next door, so that the husband could not visit his wife at night. The plot of the second song was also very unflattering in relation to the female part of her husband's relatives. The young wife became a favorite of her father-in-law. He took pity on his daughter-in-law, because she had to go far to get water, and dug a well right in the garden of the house. Her husband's older brother also liked her daughter-in-law. He gave her a golden bucket to draw water from. And my husband's younger brother helped as much as he could: he gave me a silk rope for a bucket. And the spouse generally exempted from the obligation to extract water for the family, hiring two water carriers.
But my husband's sister and mother-in-law didn't like it. Out of jealousy, they slowly filled up the well.
When I, as a guest of the groom's relatives and a journalist, was allowed to visit the bride as a special sign of respect, she and her friend were sitting in a small room, apparently nervous, waiting for the moment when they would be called to the hall. Finally, this moment has arrived. My father took Padma to the stage and placed her next to her fiance. The priest began to recite the prayer again. The father said, " Bridegroom, accept your beloved bride, whose name is Padma." Arun replied: "I thank you and am happy to accept it." The newlyweds still didn't touch each other. But the family tied the scarves they were wearing in a knot.
The ceremony was nearing completion. The guests began to disperse. The bride's relatives gave them gifts and sometimes envelopes with money - three dollars worth, if you translate rupees into a familiar currency. I, essentially an outsider, was given a box of sweets.
As I reviewed my impressions, I wondered if Arun and Padma had known each other before the wedding. My friends told me that my parents had previously agreed on the marriage. And the young people were only allowed to look at each other and exchange a few phrases. In short, their marriage did not take place in heaven, but by agreement of the two families. In India, most marriages are arranged in this way. And yet many live happily ever after. "Understand that when I get married, I will be related not only to my husband, but to his extended family. Here everything has to be calculated in advance, " a woman I know, an employee of a company whose headquarters are located in America, explained to me.
In the case of Padma and Arun, too, obviously every detail was taken into account. Arun is an aspiring entrepreneur with a university degree. Padma went to college. They belong to the same kshatriya community , a group of castes that was considered military in ancient times. This means that the social status of both families will not be reduced by this union.
"A BROAD-MINDED BRIDE"
But still, how did parents manage to find the right party for their children in such a large community? In principle, suitable options can be found by reading marriage ads in newspapers or using the Internet.
Dating online is becoming increasingly popular. Bharatmatrimoni, one of the most famous portals, attracts potential customers with the efficiency of its services. To establish a contact, you need to take only three steps: first, write your "resume", that is, briefly tell about yourself. Secondly, use the portal's search engine to select a suitable candidate. Third, when you find her, send her an email or have a direct conversation with her via "chat".
It would seem that everything is not so complicated. But a friend explained to me, perhaps with a touch of cynicism, what might be hidden behind the marriage announcements. "A beautiful groom with a green card can actually mean a rude person with a disgusting appearance, but who has a visa with a work permit in the United States.
"A modest girl with a pale complexion" may mean an ugly person with fair skin. India has always condemned racism in the international arena. But in matrimonial matters, however, fair skin is highly valued.
"Looking for a broad-minded bride." Most likely, this sentence means that the groom was married and divorced.
"Caste is not an obstacle." The sender of this ad should not be trusted.
"We need a wife who loves a home." The groom is probably a typical sissy, and he expects his wife to prepare meals for the whole family and clean the house without a murmur.
Arun and Padma's parents were well aware of these pitfalls. So we resorted to the old search method: through numerous relatives and acquaintances. Neither the newspapers nor the Internet were consulted. I want to believe that the newlyweds will be happy. That they will not have to go through the difficulties faced by young people who challenge traditions.
A GRAVE SIN
Not so long ago, for example, a scandal related to the marriage of Vivek and Abida caused a resonance in Delhi. The young people violated two prohibitions at once - one official, the other unspoken, but strictly observed.
The first ban concerns age. The girl was not yet 18, and she went to her lover. According to the law, women can marry only after reaching the age of 18. This was taken advantage of by Abida's father, who objected to the choice of his daughter. He filed a police report demanding that action be taken against the" abductor " of his child.
In fact, the background of the conflict is not "age - related", but religious and communal. Vivek is a Hindu and Abida is a Muslim. According to orthodox co-religionists, her act is a grave sin. The young men, however, decided not to obey the outdated canons and applied for protection in the Delhi High Court.
The court clearly sided with the newlyweds. "There is no law that prohibits a girl under the age of 18 from falling in love. Love is not an offense from the point of view of the Indian Penal Code," the judge said. This could be seen as a complete victory of modern Indians over the adherents of obsolete customs. But the law is one thing, everyday reality is another. It is not without reason that the judge, when announcing his decision, pointed out that people who do the same as Abida and Vivek, often become victims of revenge. Who knows how the fate of this couple will turn out...
Delhi - Moscow
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